SAPPY FETT

Sappy Fett was born on Ukitis to Kenn Starkfire and Nayama Bindo. Starkfire was a young powerful, small-time gangster who had been trained in the Dark Side of The Force, that Nayama met and fell in love with during her fall to the Dark Side - and her nearly fatal duel with her ex-husband, Grey Jedi, Jolee Bindo. Starkfire did not stick around very long once he found out Nayama was pregnant with his child. After their long affair, (even while Nayama was with Jolee), she never saw Starkfire again. She gave birth to her son, 9 months later. His birth name was Ulic Bindo, named after Nayama's friend and comrade, Ulic Qel-Droma. She tried to be a good mother to Ulic, but being on the dark path that Nayama chose, she was slain on Yavin IV, leaving Ulic Bindo an orphan at the age of 2. Not much is known of what happened to Ulic from age 2 to 7. What is known, however, is that young Ulic somehow ended up on the mythical planet, Had Abbadon. Some say the Force itself brought Ulic to this mysterious planet, but no one knows for sure how a 2 year old ended up on a planet that is only talked about in stories and legends.

Ulic was trained by an unseen Force "presence," known only as The Way, in the teachings of the Sith and Jedi, alike. The Way spoke to Ulic through the Force, guiding him, and teaching him the ways of the world. The Way only appeared to Ulic in dreams and spoke of a horrible tragedy that happened eons ago, to him and his race of horned flesh-eaters. He also showed Ulic visions of when he roamed the galaxy as the most powerful and most feared Sith in the universe. The Way loved Ulic like a son, but could not take his constant whining, tom-foolery, and defiance. Once The Way believed Ulic learned all he needed to learn, he bestowed upon Ulic, large, misshaped, long, testicles. These testicles were meant to protect Ulic from any malicious Force powers brought upon him, as the creature made them out of ysalamir lizard skin. He told Ulic he would someday see him again and then cast him into space on a small craft called, The Tea Bag.

After floating through space on the decrepit ship for days, Ulic was found by a group of mercenaries from Mandalore. They were direct descendants of the clones of Jango Fett who retired after the Clone Wars. Martha and Jonathan Fett took Ulic back to Mandalore and raised them as their own son. They noticed Ulic's strange testicles and saw that they were made of ysalamir. To keep themselves, and the young confused boy, safe, they renamed Ulic, Sappy Fett and made him forget his time on Had-Abbadon and his former moniker.

Sappy had a rough adolescence. He was a thief, liar, and juvenile delinquent. Although he loved and obeyed his adoptive parents very much, he was still struggling with fitting-in because of his enormously long testicles, and the fact that his original parents, and mentor abandoned him. He was always angry and showing off. Sappy was always in need of attention, although he did not know why he acted out so much.

After being in and out of detention facilities, Sappy finally left home and trained in the ways of the Mandalorians. He wore the armor, spoke the language, and obeyed their lifestyle and code. This matured Sappy, however, his crime-life tendencies stayed with him.

Sappy joined up with a Mandalorian organization known as UCOM (United Clans of Mandalore) where he worked as an undercover agent in the SAS (Secret Assassin Squad). However, Sappy's behavior and wild, defiant, tendencies got him in much trouble with the Mand'alore at the time, and he was dishonorably discharged from UCOM for breaking treaties with the Jedi and breaking the Mandalorian code of ethics.

Sappy was recruited by a powerful gangster, Borvo the Hutt, to highjack a supply ship carrying spices and blasters from the Outer Rim to Naboo where Borvo was hiding out. During this highjack, Sappy met fellow gangster, Darth Prime, who was also working for Borvo at the time. As the two pulled off the heist with a number of other small-time criminals, they schemed to keep the shipment for themselves and doublecrossed Borvo and killed the other hired guns. When Borvo heard of this deception, he sent bounty hunters after Prime and Sappy. Too intelligent to be outwitted by bounty hunters, Prime and Sappy killed anyone who even resembled a possible threat. They retreated to the Blue Sector of Coronet City, on Corellia. Here, they hid out for months with the shipment they stole, not knowing exactly how to sell it on the streets for a profit without being noticed. Eventually Borvo caught up to Sappy Fett and Darth Prime. So impressed with their elusiveness, he offered them work as business owners, managing underground clubs and seedy massage parlors that Borvo controlled. Darth Prime and Sappy Fett's friendship grew and they decided to go into business for themselves. Borvo the Hutt went into hiding again and lost control over the newly bonded friends. They set up shop, opening Club Sappy Prime's, located in Coronet City.

Sappy Fett and Darth Prime's business was an instant success, making the once small time gangsters some of the wealthiest scum the galaxy has ever known. They made alliances with other gangsters in the galaxy, including, Jodo Kast, Darth Nephlium, Jimmy-Fett-Rocks, Master Lalaithion, Darth Vicious, Annie, and many more goons and associates to create the Galactic Goodfellas. Led by the mysterious Don, the Galactic Goodfellas now control just about everything in the galaxy. Businesses do not open without the approval of the Don; people do not go to war without the approval of the Don; all decisions are pretty much made up with the approval of the Don.

Sappy continued his successful run as a business owner and decided to open up his own Nudist Colony. It was a place where patrons could be free and enjoy being nude without judgment or scrutiny. Sappy was most at peace here.

Club Sappy Prime's burned down in an insurance fraud scheme cooked up by Darth Prime. Some of the Galactic Goodfellas did not even know the fire was arson. Sappy and Prime went on to open up The New Club Sappy Prime's right around the corner from the original. It was even more successful bringing in all walks of life; from powerful Sith lords, old cheesy Jedi Knights, and slow adults (Jed); who all wanted a place to go for debauchery and alcohol.

Sappy's close friend and comrade, Jodo Kast, went missing for several months. He was later rescued by, galactic hero, Darth Prime, on Kintan. Kast's time on Kintan made him delusional and crazy. This was due to the fact that Kast brought something evil back with him from Kintan. Sappy Fett eventually became possessed by a demon Sith lord, named Abbadon who was trapped within the confines of Kintan. It is thought that Abbadon is the Force presence (The Way) that trained Sappy (then known as Ulic) on the mythical planet when he was just a child. Abbadon unleashed a vengeful rage upon the galaxy, devouring flesh and wreaking havoc. He gained followers, like Jodo Kast, in leading an army of flesh-eaters. Abbadon's destruction came to an end when the Galactic Goodfellas performed an exorcism and rescued Sappy from Abbadon's grip, and killing Abbadon once and for all. Or so they think...

After the possession, Sappy became emotionally unstable and suddenly regained his Force powers he had as a young boy. He decided he needed answers for why his life was the way it was. He journeyed across the galaxy and finally sought all the answers he was looking for. Sappy Fett was lost and abandoned in space during his travels. He called out through the Force and Darth Prime somehow answered his distress call. He was rescued a few days later and brought back to New Club Sappy Prime's. It was here that Darth Prime informed Sappy that he was, in fact, Kenn Starkfire, Sappy's true biological father...

These days, Sappy Gay Fett mostly keeps to himself. He visits the bathhouse cantinas and has a few laughs with some of the WoSW homos he likes to consider his friends, however, his time in the galaxy has become more and more rare. He has, more or less, gone into isolation to be with his family, and can only be found blogging about his daily bowel sex farts. The only person Sappy keeps in touch with on a regular basis, is his lover, Darth Prime.

Sappy continues to be a presence, and if you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire... Sappy Fett!

This is the story of Sappy Fett... the rest is still unwritten...

SF... (updated) 2.04.09 9:45am EST