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"ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A GUNGAN", EPISODE 1
?ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A GUNGAN?, EPISODE 1
DISCLAIMER: I am well aware that Dodge Girl has posted similar SW Millionaire blogs on her page. And, that others (who shall remain nameless) have made half-hearted efforts of their own to copy her. However, after reading Dodge Girls efforts, I was inspired to try my own hand at something similar. I have her full support on this project, and for that I am very thankful. Remember, this is just for poodoo-and-giggles. Try to have fun with it. Thank you!
LUKE SKYWALKER: (walks onstage, to the audience?s applause) Hello! And welcome to ?Are You Smarter Than a Gungan.? I am your host, Luke Skywalker. Let?s meet our class today, shall we? We have Tup Tup Grizbain?
TUP TUP: Hellosa!
LUKE: ?Captain Tarpals?
TARPALS: Hiya!
LUKE: ?Spleed Nukkels?
SPLEED: Hiyo!
LUKE: ?Jar Jar Binks?
JAR JAR: (startled) Huh? What is yousa sayin??
(Audience chuckles)
LUKE: (rolling eyes) Alright, thank you Jar Jar. And, last, but certainly not least, our final classmate is none other than Boss Nass.
BOSS NASS: HA! Ha, ha, ha!
(Audience applauses)
LUKE: Now, let?s meet tonight?s contestant. Hailing from Kashyyyk, we have the mighty Wookiee, Chewbacca!
(The audience roars its applause as the Wookiee strides onto the stage, waving and roaring appreciatively to the crowd. Chewie makes his way over to Luke, wraps his huge arms around the Jedi Master and lifts him off the ground with a monstrous hug.)
LUKE: (struggling to breath) Ah?Chewie?Chewie! You can?ah?let me?ah?down now!
(Some polite laughter from the crowd as the massive Wookiee releases Luke.)
LUKE: (composing himself and straightening his tunic?s collar) Thank you for that very?ah?generous greeting, Chewie. Oh, I see your nephew, Lowbacca has lent you the Miniature Translator Droid you gave him.
CHEWIE: (roars an unintelligible response to Luke)
EM TEEDEE: Chewbacca wishes to express his sincerest appreciation for allowing him to be here today. Remember, Master Skywalker, that I am fluent in over six?
LUKE: Okay, let?s get started, shall we! Chewie, who have you chosen to be your classmate for today?
CHEWIE: (replies with a quick grunt and nods towards the classmates)
EM TEEDEE: Chewbacca has chosen Boss Nass as his classmate today. And, might I add Master Skywalker, that it is very rude to interrupt a?
LUKE: Ah! Excellent choice Chewie! Boss Nass, would you please take your place next to Chewie?
(Boss Nass waddles slowly towards the podium next to the Wookiee.)
BOSS NASS: Ahhhh! Yousa have chosen da greatest Gungan for da job, mesa thinks.
LUKE: Alright, Chewie, here is your first question, for 1,000 Credits: Theed is the capital city of what planet?
CHEWIE: (bellows out a deep guttural groan)
EM TEEDEE: Theed is the capital of the planet Naboo, which is located in the Outer Rim, approximately 4 parsecs from?
LUKE: Correct!
(Audience applause)
TUP TUP: Ha, even mesa know da ansa to dat one!
CHEWIE: (shouts an angry growl at the Gungan and shakes his fist)
EM TEEDEE: Chewbacca! I can?t say that! That just wouldn?t be proper!
TUP TUP: (wiping the sweat from his brow, and climbing out from under his desk) Woo! Dat wasa close one, mesa thinks?
LUKE: Now, for 2,000 Credits: True or False: Darth Maul was one of Darth Sidious? Sith apprentices?
CHEWIE: (crosses his arms, looks to the ceiling, thinking. Finally, he lets out a reluctant grunt to Em Teedee)
EM TEEDEE: Chewbacca wishes to use one of his ?Cheats.? He will ?Copy? Boss Nass? answer.
BOSS NASS: Since mesa no caren about da Sith, mesa haven no idea about da ansa. So, mesa sayin False. Dose Sith?dey think they so smarta?they think they brain so big?
(audience lets out a collective sigh)
LUKE: Oh, I?m sorry, but that is incorrect. Maul was an apprentice of Sidious.
CHEWIE: (roars angrily and shakes his balled fists uncontrollably)
(Chewie tears out his podium and tosses it in anger towards Boss Nass. Luckily, Luke uses the Force to push aside the airborne podium and it crashes harmlessly in the corner.)
EM TEEDEE: Chewbacca! Watch your language! This show is broadcast live over the Holonet! Chewbacca! You must keep your composure! Chewbacca!
SPLEED: Ha! Look at da silly Wookiee. Ha!
(Chewie bounds across the stage towards the other four Gungan classmates, determined on tearing Spleed?s arms out of his sockets.)
JAR JAR: (eyes nearly popping out of their stocks) Oh no!
(Jar Jar cowardly hides under his desk. Tup Tup has already fled from the stage in terror. Tarpals narrowly dives out of the way of the rampaging Wookiee and crashes into a bookshelf, burying himself in a pile of books. Chewie grabs Spleed and uncontrollably shakes him in anger.)
LUKE: (raising his voice over the erupting chaos) Chewie, this is not the way to handle this! Chewie!
JAR JAR: (from under his desk, and to no one in general) Oh, nosa! What is wesa supposed to dosa?
(A single hand emerges from the pile of books in the corner, palming a small, glowing sphere.)
TARPALS: (muffled) Here, Ja Ja! Usa da booba!
JAR JAR: (confused, of course) Huh? But mesa no haven a booba!
(Luke calmly steps in front of the camera. In the background, the stage is in total ruin. Chewie, destroying everything in arms-reach, chases after Spleed, who has slip from his grasp.)
LUKE: Well, I think that will do it for tonight. (ducks pieces of the stage hurled in his direction) Join us again, next week for another? (ducks a flying Gungan Chewie seems to have caught up with) ?um?exciting episode of ?Are You Smarter Than a Gungan.?
(Amid the crashes, screams, and total chaos, something slides along the floor and comes to rest at Luke?s feet. Luke reaches down to pick it up and realizes it?s Em Teedee.)
LUKE: Well, Em Teedee, that?s our show?
EM TEEDEE: (in a defeated tone) Yes, Master Skywalker, it appears so. And, I am reluctant to say, that Chewbacca is most definitely NOT smarter than a Gungan. Oh my!
(Luke ducks out of the shot as a small, spherical, glowing object is hurtled towards the camera from amid the chaos behind him. BOOM!)
(Static?)
PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. IF THERE IS AN INTEREST, I?D LOVE TO TRY SOME MORE. THANK YOU (ESPECIALLY YOU, DG)!
DISCLAIMER: I am well aware that Dodge Girl has posted similar SW Millionaire blogs on her page. And, that others (who shall remain nameless) have made half-hearted efforts of their own to copy her. However, after reading Dodge Girls efforts, I was inspired to try my own hand at something similar. I have her full support on this project, and for that I am very thankful. Remember, this is just for poodoo-and-giggles. Try to have fun with it. Thank you!
LUKE SKYWALKER: (walks onstage, to the audience?s applause) Hello! And welcome to ?Are You Smarter Than a Gungan.? I am your host, Luke Skywalker. Let?s meet our class today, shall we? We have Tup Tup Grizbain?
TUP TUP: Hellosa!
LUKE: ?Captain Tarpals?
TARPALS: Hiya!
LUKE: ?Spleed Nukkels?
SPLEED: Hiyo!
LUKE: ?Jar Jar Binks?
JAR JAR: (startled) Huh? What is yousa sayin??
(Audience chuckles)
LUKE: (rolling eyes) Alright, thank you Jar Jar. And, last, but certainly not least, our final classmate is none other than Boss Nass.
BOSS NASS: HA! Ha, ha, ha!
(Audience applauses)
LUKE: Now, let?s meet tonight?s contestant. Hailing from Kashyyyk, we have the mighty Wookiee, Chewbacca!
(The audience roars its applause as the Wookiee strides onto the stage, waving and roaring appreciatively to the crowd. Chewie makes his way over to Luke, wraps his huge arms around the Jedi Master and lifts him off the ground with a monstrous hug.)
LUKE: (struggling to breath) Ah?Chewie?Chewie! You can?ah?let me?ah?down now!
(Some polite laughter from the crowd as the massive Wookiee releases Luke.)
LUKE: (composing himself and straightening his tunic?s collar) Thank you for that very?ah?generous greeting, Chewie. Oh, I see your nephew, Lowbacca has lent you the Miniature Translator Droid you gave him.
CHEWIE: (roars an unintelligible response to Luke)
EM TEEDEE: Chewbacca wishes to express his sincerest appreciation for allowing him to be here today. Remember, Master Skywalker, that I am fluent in over six?
LUKE: Okay, let?s get started, shall we! Chewie, who have you chosen to be your classmate for today?
CHEWIE: (replies with a quick grunt and nods towards the classmates)
EM TEEDEE: Chewbacca has chosen Boss Nass as his classmate today. And, might I add Master Skywalker, that it is very rude to interrupt a?
LUKE: Ah! Excellent choice Chewie! Boss Nass, would you please take your place next to Chewie?
(Boss Nass waddles slowly towards the podium next to the Wookiee.)
BOSS NASS: Ahhhh! Yousa have chosen da greatest Gungan for da job, mesa thinks.
LUKE: Alright, Chewie, here is your first question, for 1,000 Credits: Theed is the capital city of what planet?
CHEWIE: (bellows out a deep guttural groan)
EM TEEDEE: Theed is the capital of the planet Naboo, which is located in the Outer Rim, approximately 4 parsecs from?
LUKE: Correct!
(Audience applause)
TUP TUP: Ha, even mesa know da ansa to dat one!
CHEWIE: (shouts an angry growl at the Gungan and shakes his fist)
EM TEEDEE: Chewbacca! I can?t say that! That just wouldn?t be proper!
TUP TUP: (wiping the sweat from his brow, and climbing out from under his desk) Woo! Dat wasa close one, mesa thinks?
LUKE: Now, for 2,000 Credits: True or False: Darth Maul was one of Darth Sidious? Sith apprentices?
CHEWIE: (crosses his arms, looks to the ceiling, thinking. Finally, he lets out a reluctant grunt to Em Teedee)
EM TEEDEE: Chewbacca wishes to use one of his ?Cheats.? He will ?Copy? Boss Nass? answer.
BOSS NASS: Since mesa no caren about da Sith, mesa haven no idea about da ansa. So, mesa sayin False. Dose Sith?dey think they so smarta?they think they brain so big?
(audience lets out a collective sigh)
LUKE: Oh, I?m sorry, but that is incorrect. Maul was an apprentice of Sidious.
CHEWIE: (roars angrily and shakes his balled fists uncontrollably)
(Chewie tears out his podium and tosses it in anger towards Boss Nass. Luckily, Luke uses the Force to push aside the airborne podium and it crashes harmlessly in the corner.)
EM TEEDEE: Chewbacca! Watch your language! This show is broadcast live over the Holonet! Chewbacca! You must keep your composure! Chewbacca!
SPLEED: Ha! Look at da silly Wookiee. Ha!
(Chewie bounds across the stage towards the other four Gungan classmates, determined on tearing Spleed?s arms out of his sockets.)
JAR JAR: (eyes nearly popping out of their stocks) Oh no!
(Jar Jar cowardly hides under his desk. Tup Tup has already fled from the stage in terror. Tarpals narrowly dives out of the way of the rampaging Wookiee and crashes into a bookshelf, burying himself in a pile of books. Chewie grabs Spleed and uncontrollably shakes him in anger.)
LUKE: (raising his voice over the erupting chaos) Chewie, this is not the way to handle this! Chewie!
JAR JAR: (from under his desk, and to no one in general) Oh, nosa! What is wesa supposed to dosa?
(A single hand emerges from the pile of books in the corner, palming a small, glowing sphere.)
TARPALS: (muffled) Here, Ja Ja! Usa da booba!
JAR JAR: (confused, of course) Huh? But mesa no haven a booba!
(Luke calmly steps in front of the camera. In the background, the stage is in total ruin. Chewie, destroying everything in arms-reach, chases after Spleed, who has slip from his grasp.)
LUKE: Well, I think that will do it for tonight. (ducks pieces of the stage hurled in his direction) Join us again, next week for another? (ducks a flying Gungan Chewie seems to have caught up with) ?um?exciting episode of ?Are You Smarter Than a Gungan.?
(Amid the crashes, screams, and total chaos, something slides along the floor and comes to rest at Luke?s feet. Luke reaches down to pick it up and realizes it?s Em Teedee.)
LUKE: Well, Em Teedee, that?s our show?
EM TEEDEE: (in a defeated tone) Yes, Master Skywalker, it appears so. And, I am reluctant to say, that Chewbacca is most definitely NOT smarter than a Gungan. Oh my!
(Luke ducks out of the shot as a small, spherical, glowing object is hurtled towards the camera from amid the chaos behind him. BOOM!)
(Static?)
PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. IF THERE IS AN INTEREST, I?D LOVE TO TRY SOME MORE. THANK YOU (ESPECIALLY YOU, DG)!
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