DISCLAIMER: I am well aware that Dodge Girl has posted similar SW Millionaire blogs on her page. And, that others (who shall remain nameless) have made half-hearted efforts of their own to copy her. However, after reading Dodge Girls efforts, I was inspired to try my own hand at something similar. I have her full support on this project, and for that I am very thankful. All characters, places, events, etc. are not taken from a specific time period, rather they are used generally in an effort to provide a remotely entertaining story. Remember, this is just for poodoo-and-giggles. Try to have fun with it. Thank you!



LUKE SKYWALKER: Hello! And welcome to another episode of "Are You Smarter Than a Gungan." I am your host, Luke Skywalker. Before we meet today's class, I'd like to mention a few things. First off, I hope everyone had a terrific Forcegiving last week. Second, you'll all notice that we have a few Senate Guards posted around the set. This was done in an effort to avoid anymore...umm...unpleasantness...that we had last week. Now, let's meet our class, shall we?

(Audience cheers and applauds)

LUKE: We have four of our original classmates returning. Let's give a warm welcome to Captain Tarpals...Spleed Nukkels...Jar Jar Binks...and Boss Nass.

(Audience applauds as each gungan smiles and waves politely)

LUKE: Now, last week, one of our classmates, Tup Tup Grizbain, fled our stage during the chaos and no one has seen him since. We are all praying that he shows up alive and well. Taking his place today will be our newest classmate, Friggy Squig!

(The audience applauds once again, as Friggy walks onto the stage. Distracted by the applause and cheers, Friggy clumsily trips and falls flat on his face, drawing more laughter from the audience.)

FRIGGY SQUIG: (standing and rubbing his nose) Ouch! Well, at least mesa stills in betta shape den da rest of yousa.

(Friggy motions to the other four gungan classmates, who, as the audience now becomes aware, are bandaged up and bruised still from last weeks episode. Spleed even appears to have what looks like crude crutches lying on the floor next to his desk.)

JAR JAR BINKS: Oh, wesa in bombad shape here, Friggy. Dat Wookiee doin murder to us Gungans last week. Mesa still been havin nightmares!

LUKE: Alright, let's meet our contestant today, shall we? Coming to us from Eriadu, we have Governor Wilhuff Tarkin.

(The audience cheers and applauds as the Governor arrogantly strides onto the stage. Later, some will say they saw him smile and wink at a copper-haired, green-eyed young lady in the front row who appeared to be dressed in the uniform of an Imperial Admiral. In tow, a familiar looking Mon Calamari submissively followed Tarkin onto the stage.)

WILHUFF TARKIN: (to the Mon Cal) Now, I want you to sit down and don't make a sound. Do you understand me?

(The Mon Cal shook his head in defeat and shuffled to his seat in the audience next to the female Admiral.)

LUKE: Thank you for coming today Governor. Have you chosen a classmate yet?

TARKIN: Master Skywalker, I think that will be quite unnecessary. I have no need for any help from an inferior species.

BOSS NASS: (standing and pounding his fist on his desk) What!? What did yousa say bout da Gungans?

LUKE: Alright, Boss Nass. Please have a seat and calm down. Now, Governor Tarkin, it is part of the rules that each contestant...

TARKIN: (waving Luke off) Oh, very well. I choose that...thing...over there...

(Tarkin half-heartedly waved in the direction of Jar Jar Binks. Startled and confused, Jar Jar stood slowly.)

JAR JAR: Ah...ah...mesa honored to be takin on dis heavy, heavy burden. Mesa accept dis with moy moy...

LUKE: Ah, Jar Jar...please just take your place at the podium next to Governor Tarkin.

(Jar Jar ambled over to the podium. Before taking his place, Tarkin grabbed Jar Jar by the colar and brought him in close.)

TARKIN: (to Jar Jar alone, so no one else could hear) Now listen here, you disgusting creature. Just stand there and don't make a sound, or else I will crush you with one swift stroke. The day I need assistance from the likes of you is the day a Hutt finds his way to the refresher, you understand me?

JAR JAR: (gulps and visibly shakes) Uh...uh...okie-dokie!

LUKE: Very well. Let's begin, shall we? Now, Governor Tarkin, for 1,000 Credits: the term "rule through fear of force" is typically associated with what Doctrine? Wait...this can't be right. Who writes these questions anyway?

TARKIN: Master Skywalker, can we please dispense with these idiodic questions and move straight to the 1 Million Credit question? I am a very busy man and I don't have the time, nor the patience, for such nonsense.

(Luke turns towards the panel of judges and shrugs his shoulders.)

LUKE: (tossing the remaining index cards over his shoulder) Very well, let's skip ahead...

CAPTAIN TARPALS: (burying his forehead in his palm, and sighing heavily) Oh boyo...

LUKE: Now, Governor Tarkin, for 1,000,000 Credits, the subject of the question is: Aleraanian History. Do you wish to continue, or "drop out?"

TARKIN: (loosening his colar and now visibly sweating) Umm...yes...of course, Master Skwalker. I will...umm...continue.

LUKE: Very well Governor. For 1,000,000 Credits: among Alderaan's most imposing sights are the Castle Lands, towering abandoned cities made by the long-extinct species known as...what?

(A quite murmur comes up from the audience as they, too, contemplate the answer.)

TARKIN: Oh...umm...well, now...let me...umm...see. That would have to be...umm...

(Tarkin give a questioning glance to the beautiful Admiral in the audience. She repsonds with an encouraging smile, nods, and blows him a kiss.)

LUKE: Governor, we need your answer now, please.

TARKIN: Oh...ah...yes...my answer. Umm...well... (wiping the sweat from his brow) Master Skwalker, I believe the answer...is...umm...the...umm...Killicks?

(Tarkin closes his eyes and noticably tenses up in anticipation.)

LUKE: (shaking his head in mock dissappointment) Oh, Governor Tarkin, I'm terribly sorry, but that is...CORRECT! Congratulations! You have won 1,000,000 Credits!

(The audience stands and cheers loudly, no one more so than the pretty Admiral, as the Governor slowly begins to realize what has just happened. Tarkin opens his eyes slowly, looks around, and begins to compose himself. Luke smiles and claps politely.)

TARKIN: (raising his voice slightly to be heard over the cheers, and again wipes more sweat from his brow and stands up straighter) Well, yes. Thank you, Master Skywalker. Now, may I please have my winnings. As I mentioned before, I am a very busy man and must be going. Those Credits will be put to use nicely on a new...ah...project we have in the works.

(Turning turns towards the Mon Cal in the audience and snaps his fingers.)

TARKIN: You...bring my winnings along. I must be leaving now.

(Tarkin offers his arm to the young Admiral, who has by now made her way onto the stage to embrace the Governor. Tarkin and his attractive escort stroll off the stage. The Mon Cal from the audience makes his way over to Luke, the whole time glancing around and looking nervously over his shoulder.)

THE MON CALAMARI: (quitely and only to Luke) Master Skywalker, I have valuable information about Governor Tarkin's "project." I over heard him talking about plans to build a...

TARKIN: (from off-stage) Ackbar! What are you doing!? We must leave NOW!

(Ackbar slumps his shoulders again in defeat. Before turning and leaving, he looks into the camera.)

ACKBAR: I regret saying this, but Governor Wilhuff Tarkin IS smarter than a Gungan.

(Ackbar let's out a heavy sigh, takes the Credit chips from Luke, and sulks off stage.)

LUKE: Well, that's our show for tonight. Although it was somewhat unorthodox, we have our first big winner. And again, I'd like to congratulate Governor Tarkin on winning the 1 Million Credits. I'm also glad we were able to all escape the show without any more injuries. Be sure to join us next week for another exciting episode of "Are You Smarter Than a Gungan."

FRIGGY: (rubbing his still sore nose) My not so sure wesa be leavin wit out any injaries, Masa Skyhopper.

LUKE: (slapping his forehead and shaking his head) Oh boy, I need a new agent. Maybe there's a gig opening up on that new Millionaire show I've heard so much about. Maybe they need a host... (starled and wide-eyed) What!? We're still rolling? Oh man!

(Luke waves his hand at the camera...static...)



(* The idea of "Forcegiving" is not mine. I just borrowed it. Someone wrote that in my Guestbook last week and I, unfortunately, forgot who it was. My apologies go out to you!)