Darth BadGuy

The MAN exits as RANDAL enters. DANTE throws the canister
away.

DANTE
Do you know that article is accurate?
Caitlin's really getting married!

RANDAL
You know what I just watched?

DANTE
Me pulling a can off some moron's
fist.

RANDAL
Return of the Jedi.

DANTE
Didn't you hear me? Caitlin really
is getting married.

RANDAL
Which did you like better: Jedi or
The Empire Strikes Back.

DANTE
(exasperated)
Empire.

RANDAL
Blasphemy.

DANTE
Empire had the better ending: Luke
gets his hand cut off, and finds
out Vader's his father; Han gets
frozen and taken away by Boba Fett.
It ends on such a down note. And
that's life-a series of down
endings. All Jedi had was a bunch
of Muppets.

RANDAL
There was something else going on
in Jedi. I never noticed it until
today.

RANDAL follows DANTE as he cleans up around the store.

DANTE
What's that?

RANDAL
All right, Vader's boss...

DANTE
The Emperor.

RANDAL
Right, the Emperor. Now the Emperor
is kind of a spiritual figure, yes?

DANTE
How do you mean?

RANDAL
Well, he's like the pope for the
dark side of the Force. He's a holy
man; a shaman, kind of, albeit an
evil one.

DANTE
I guess.

RANDAL
Now, he's in charge of the Empire.
The Imperial government is under
his control. And the entire galaxy
is under Imperial rule.

DANTE
Yeah.

RANDAL
Then wouldn't that logically mean
that it's a theocracy? If the head
of the Empire is a priest of some
sort, then it stands to reason that
the government is therefore one
based on religion.

DANTE
It would stand to reason, yes.

RANDAL
Hence, the Empire was a fascist
theocracy, and the rebel forces
were therefore battling religious
persecution.

DANTE
More or less.

RANDAL
The only problem is that at no
point in the series did I ever hear
Leia or any of the rebels declare a
particular religious belief.

DANTE
I think they were Catholics.