My love for Volk resembles the eternal pull of the Force: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. I am his forever and on. He is a part of my soul. He's always, always in my mind. Not at all time as pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being. To ever talk of our separation, its impracticable!

He once abandoned me under a delusion, while I was picturing him a hero of romance drugged by tragedy. He expects from me unlimited indulgences, forgiveness in abundance, and above all else chivalrous devotion. As I always do I shall forgive, I am his wife and mother of one of his many children. But where is my place, am I too to suffer as a passing whim? Someone easily forgotten? What will I do if or when the time comes for him to once more trade off?

Now that I'm siting here trying to think this through I can not seem to find my way through the constant obsticals I must jump. He comes away with a beautiful story of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to love him. I could as I said talk of our separations but once more that could be just impracticable.

Words never held much meaning for me. But the looks, the looks that consume me with need constantly breaking my weak heart. With passion so bright it blinds I am allowed to be in too deep aren't I? Nothing I do seems to please us both. I hold my tongue silent when hurtful words wish to escape. I can not learn to live without now that I've finally found everything I've ever wished for.

Words never held much meaning for me. But the looks, the looks that consume me with need constantly breaking my weak heart. With passion so bright it blinds I am allowed to be in too deep aren't I? I can't learn to live without these tears I shed can not drive my intentions home can they?

To make sense of this nonsense form my heart has taken would degrade its very reasoning. Although I know all this I can not stand down, this unrelenting need for knowledge, to know why just wont let me go. I maybe losing my mind but wouldn't you. Want to know?