Grand Admiral Tullk's Profile »
Finding the Path
 _________________________________________________________________________________________ The solitude of ones mind is never what it seems... I thought the force had laid its path for me and showed me what the future had in store for the galaxy. I was wrong. It started on Bandomeer when I was sent to aid Empress Athena's apprentice, Lady Nahema. This Jedi turned Sith annoyed me at first, with her exuberance and bounding joy, but something about her intrigued me. Even now, I do not know what that was. During my time spent with her, I admit I grew fond of her. She never saw me as evil, even though she knew I was capable of such things. I believe it was there that the light side found its ember within me. Not too long after that the first shots of the war were fired by me, yes I admit it, and then I crossed paths with Jade Albright Froste. This woman is the opposite of Nahema for she was once part of the dark side, but had found the means to keep from turning back to it. She fought it with every fiber in her on many occasions. At first she tried to avoid me, after hearing I was the one responsible for bombarding the Jedi Enclave on Dantooine. I knew who Jade was; I first laid eyes on her at Empress Athena's wedding, even then her light filled the room. She was unsure of me at first, asking if I was going to kill her as I had so many of her Jedi friends. I never knew her story; she never knew mine. That night we both learned what each other had been through to make us the people we had become. I would learn later that as I spoke with her, she sensed that there was something more in me than the anger and hatred brought by the dark side. After learning of her past and how she fought against the dark side was extraordinary. Then Jade showed me something I would never expect from a Jedi, kindness. This caused a profound change in me, the light side grew stronger, and rendering me to feel vastly conflicted. I had found myself in constant meditation trying to force the whispers of the light out of my head. Their calls proved too much and I found myself in an altered state. This is where I headed to seek the council of the Empress Athena and her master. I could not silence the calls of the light side, and within the Sanctuary they would strengthen me for my trial to purge these feelings. It was then they sent me to turn Jade. I knew the road to turn her would require something... more. I managed to get Jade isolated from others who would try and stop my actions. There was only one way to tempt her but I had to complete my test. Given all my attempts Jade still refused to turn. How? How was it that she could find peace and I could not? This brought out the worst in me. In a rage fueled by the dark side I attempted to choke the life from Jade. That was when something snapped, I could hear the light side clearly, not like before when it merely whispered. I realized that for everything, for nothing, for a lifetime spent in service to the will of the force; I would never have anything truly my own while the dark side held sway over me. I instantly realized that I was killing someone that believed in me. That is when I was born to the light. _________________________________________________________________________________________ UPDATE: LEARNING TO LIVE WITH THINGS My heart was stolen from me. Some time ago, I fell in love with Nahema while on a mission to Bandomeer for the Empire. My love was a hard one to bare as I knew that she was a taken woman. I had heard of Agusutus Starwarrior, a brave and prominate Jedi of the Knights of Ashla, Nahema's former order. I kept the secret inside me for a long time. I fought with everything in me to drive the calls from my head, but nothing worked. Not to long after the calls became too much to bare, I turned to the light side of the force. Things have a way of changing... I learned of the sudden departure of Gus through Nahema. Her grief over his unexpected leaving was unbarable. I felt great discomfort at her sorrow, as she worried for the future of her family. All I wanted was for her to forget her pain. I tried not to let myself fall even more for her, but I did. In a brief moment, I thought that my love for Nahema would see me through. I knew then that her heart would always belong to Gus, but my love blinded me. I did not know what would come from all this, but I discovered when I saw Gus at the Starlight Beach Club. I wanted to tell him then what we had done, but I saw the pure joy on Nahema's face, and did not want to see it leave her face. My heart sank as I knew that my love for Nahema was to be forbidden. I have spent time meditating on everything that has happened. I have no regrets for my actions. I have made my peace with the fact Nahema has chosen Gus over me. Her heart belongs to him and loves him more than anyone. I take comfort in the fact that Nahema said that I have a place in her heart, even if that place is small. I will do anything for that woman; I would give my life if need be. That was my promise to her. There is only one thing I cannot place; what is this disturbance I feel? I know it now to be Gus having fallen to the dark side. I have even learned that Lady Morrigna is the one training him in the dark arts. I will say that he will become a most powerful enemy. I will be cautious these days with him around, but he will learn that revenge is hard to come by when I am the target. I was going to be content with the knowledge that Nahema would be happy with her family and stay away. Now, it looks like that might never happen. Partially, I am to blame for all this. I do not deny that, but I refuse to let that hang over my head. Some may call it un-Jedilike to look for a fight, but I am not looking for a fight. I will simply say that if someone wants a piece of me, I will not hesitate. I am harder to kill than most people think... _________________________________________________________________________________________ |
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