"The First thing that I remember when I think about that day, was how hot it was. The sun shone down with such immense humidity it was almost unbearable. I was outside training in the open field that I always went to, even as a child. My use of Makashi was flawed. I always tried to overpower an opponent and control their movements, yet, by doing that I always set myself up for others who could easily see through my defences."

"Makashi, is about fludity" my Father would always say, "You need to move when your opponent moves, constantly changing your position, never letting your opponent know where you'll be next. Then once you've tricked them with feints, pelted them with stabs, and tired them with parries; you break them. Stabbing them when they least expect it is just as good as any other way of winning. Victory is victory, by whatever means."

"Fludity didn't come to me easily; I had such uncontrollable anger in me I just wanted to lash out when I fought. My life had always been out of control, my Mother left while I was a baby and after all this time, all I have of her is the letter she left behind. The last day I saw my father and Dxun was the day my anger went beyond it's boundaries and I stepped into the Dark Side. So there I was in the training field practicing Makaski with droids, when Mical approaches me."

"Still having some trouble with that form, I see. I would be glad to offer my services to you, Lilian." Mical always spoke with that proper dialect of his, the only time it ever failed him was when he talked about my mother.
"I would rather do this on my own, Mical, I just need to concentrate harder."
"Oh, no, I insist. It is the least I can do. Your mother had the same problem when she tried to learn this form. Here you need to stab this way so when your opponent goes to parry you can use your weight to propel your bo...."
"I do not need your help! What I need is peace from the constant reminders of my mother! I know she was powerful and great," my voice died down to a whisper "It doesn't matter how many wars you win if you can't be where you belong." my face was flushed and I turned around to try to conseal it.

Mical reached to me in compassion, but I shuned him. "Lilian, I know you are hurt, but you mustn't let your emotions get out of control. The Force is very strong in you and you must learn to disipline yourself. The path you are on will lead you to the dark side. There is no emotion, there is peace... remember your training!"
"And what? Learn to no longer feel? Learn to control myself so I can forget about the fact that my mother left all she loved to save a man she served with in the war! She left the war becuase of what he turned into, because of what the war turned her into.... and yet is she any better?" My voice was venemous with anger dripping off every word. "I refuse to forgive my mother for what she's done. She's harmed not only me, but my father as well. He walks around like an empty shell, filling the hole with jokes, pazzak, and drinking. Half the time, he's on Onderon, doing the Force knows what! I don't even know my mother and yet everyone is always comparing me to her! Well, I'm not. I'm not a great war hero or a powerful Jedi who can take out Sith Lords without sweating. I'll always be Lilian, she daughter that she left behind." With this I turned away again with tears running down my cheeks. I hated them all just as much as I hated myself. My voice took on a deadly tone, "I forsake her and the Lost Jedi. I do not belong here with shadows and constant reminders of what I can't forget. I feel nothing for any of you."
Mical tried to round on me again, "You're giving into the darkness, Lilian. You don't have to forget your mother to be happy and you don't have to be around her to forgive her; just let go for your own sake. Build a better life for yourself and let the Force heal your wounds."
With my back still turned, I ignited my lightsaber. "My life starts now! With the end of all my pain!"

Mical ignited his lightsaber just in time to stop my back slash as I turned to face him. He stabbed toward my leg as I parried and changed my position. We circled each other.
"Lilian, you can't best me. I'm well trained and I know your weaknesses. Just put down your lightsaber and let's end this madness."
I answered with a Force push as strong as I could muster. It sent him to the ground. "I will not take your condecesion anymore! I am not afraid of who I am anymore. The blood taken this day will be yours!"

He stood up and was ready to fight. I could tell that he now saw me no longer as Lilian. I feinted to his upper right and placed both of my hands on the hilt of my saber and jabbed towards his stomach. He saw what I was doing and moved to the left just in time. He took advantage of his position and smashed my nose with his elbow. The shock of the pain sent me reeling, but I became more focused. I gave into my need and my hunger. I started to slash wildly in all his weakest spots. He kept having to move his position uncomfortably to parry my attacks. I only knew one thing: I wanted to break him. When he slashed at me from the upper left I didn't move. I saw the hesitation in his eyes when he saw I wasn't going to block him. I threw out my hand and used Force Pull to wrench his lightsaber out of his hand into mine. He stood there confused and bewildered. I had won.

"Lilian, you don't want to do this, this isn't you. Please, just let me go.. I won't stop you from leaving."
My anger was too great to hear him. I turned off both sabers and put them into my left hand. I reached out with my right and sent a powerful jolt of Force lightning into his body. The sheer force of it sent him flying across the field. He landed hard on his back.

"I will not kill you, but I will not grant you mercy. I want to see you in as much pain as you've watched me be in my whole life, all the while telling me to not feel it. So tell me now, can you feel this!" I unleashed more Force Lightning into his helpless body. He screamed in agony with the pain of it. He was in complete terror.
"I thought you would. Now just remember your Jedi training. You need to control your emotions." I laughed at him and threw his lightsaber next his burned body.
I ignited my blue lightsaber and pointed it straight at him.
"Your words are as meaningless as you are. Do not come after me; where I go, I go alone."

With that I turned around and left him lying there helpless. I boarded one of the ships docked outside of the enclave and left the planet. I hid in the shadows wherever I went, living as a bounty hunter. Until the day I freed myself of my past.